I Can’t Concentrate… and it Sucks!

I have made my way through all 3 NCIS shows and the last of Seals in the last 2 days. The last ended with a full on PTS episode at a restaurant with a dose of TBI added to the mix. I am no doctor. Nor did they reveal the information, but everything that I have studied – or experienced, tells me that it is an overlap of both.

The scene prior to the last was another that is all too familiar. A single man walks into his home that he occupies without the benefit of company. The sudden overwhelming sense of silence, and the absence of everyone he has been in-country with… from my perspective… takes his breath away leaving no room for the silence that means peace.

It is the silence that demands attention. It overwhelms. It brings out every bad memory of the last … however many days, weeks, or months.

It is a silence that reminds him of every negative thought, emotion, or – God forbid – experience taking a strangle hold on him.

These are the moments that I want to fill with activities that can be joyful and accidentally become coping tools.

They do not demand time away from home.

They do not demand the involvement of others, though that may not be a bad idea… and it can include others if the moment arises.

All it requires is for the individual to commit to an activity that wears the body down in a good way  – like exercise does – but it occupies the mind more fully.

Art.

Carpentry.

Welding.

I’ve mentioned these ideas a million times, and now I am just being redundant. But at least it keeps reminding me of what I feel called to do.

It also reminds me that as much as I love the time home to write – I will go insane if I don’t have office hours that include others. I have been on that negative cycle of stress for weeks now, and I need to step into my own program regain a sense of peace – I call it sanity right about now.

I may not be ready to go back to school – though everyone seems to think its time to ask that… – but the activity of a full teaching day. Solving other peoples problems filling my mind with those dilemmas without compromising my needs.  I already need it. 

If not for my body and spirit, then for my mind.

Anyone else ready to join me?

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