Carroll College in Helena February 1st was a bitterly cold, and windy day. To my understanding, we were the last school to close in the state as the temperatures were -35, roughly -70 with wind chill. Though many of our cars were froze up (yup, real technical there, I know) I among others, still wondered between the student union… ok, St. Als for those who know the campus… and my dorm. By 11pm I was back in my room ready to enjoy a late wake up as no alarm was needed.
And then it happened. I woke up at 4:30… ish for no rhyme or reason. I sleep like the dead.. ok… used to… and with lights from the parking lot, and power on in my room, I saw no reason for being awake. I turned back to face the wall, buried myself into the covers, and just as I relaxed I heard a loud explosive sound and my room lit up from outside. I sat up turning to the window just in time for my window to blow in with a second explosion as my curtains followed suit and started flapping against the ceiling. I screamed like a girl.. ok .. so I am one.. but I have never done that before… and dove under cover to keep from being hit by glass pieces or anything else sent my way. The concussive blow of the explosion seemed to last forever, but I am sure it was seconds. Those of you who have been through something similar can relate time more readily. I bounced from… “It’s a nuclear bomb!.. Why’s Russia attacking now… No wait.. I am not dust…” to various other confusing thoughts that went on until the room quieted down. The moment my curtains returned to their ‘normal’ position, I was up and out of the room barely touching the floor and slamming the door behind me.
So now you know the story.. except the source of it. A train had rolled down iced rails unattended and slammed into another engine below the college. Needless to say, I hate the concept of trains, or traveling by train, and especially being near the tracks when a train comes by. I am working on breaking the panic down by being there for photos, or simply driving, as well as living within 3 blocks from the tracks. Some days it works, and others I question my wisdom on every level.
This is my 1 true moment that has created an altered view of my days that can turn my peace into panic at a moment’s notice. While it in no way compares, it is my 1 connection to the emotions and events that I connected with in my research to make a difference in those who suffer from PTS, TBI, or any other stress induced emotions.
Good morning, or good night wherever you are. Talk to you again soon.
…. hmmm… gotta come up with a bacon salutation huh… ideas?